They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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