Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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