Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
