a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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