Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no more duck duck goose at the bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
