If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
