I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
