I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
