i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
