I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
