Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
