yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
