I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
