You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
