Ketchup is God's man juice
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
