and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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