tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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