I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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