Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
