Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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