So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize