This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
