I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
