I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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