12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
