hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
