Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
