I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
