But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
