Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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