I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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