You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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