i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
