You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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