I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
