It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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