There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
