if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
