yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
