I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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