Kiss
Puke
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
