My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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