Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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