Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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