So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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