that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
