I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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