i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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