my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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