Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
