I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
