All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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