We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
