we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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