I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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