Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
