Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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