just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
