when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
