ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
