eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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