So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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