dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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