i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
