did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
