there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
