hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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