You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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