ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
