Sry I called you an 8
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
