If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
