Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
