She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
