Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
