im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
