Got a toothbrush?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
