i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
