just tell him i said nine months
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
