Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
