You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
