He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
