No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
