you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
