i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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