it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
