You work out of a Hotel?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
