I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
