billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize