planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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