my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
