she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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