Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
