I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
