i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're a waste of cheezeits
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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