I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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