Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
