I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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