Sry I called you an 8
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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