I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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